alone.

feeling alone makes me feel like i'm in deep shit.

updates

January 10 - Mariz' 18th Bday

Her celebration was done on the 13th but i wasnt able to come because of the prelim week. I talked to her anyway about it but she didnt replied. Happy 18th gurl, dont be mad at me. mua!

January 15-19 - Prelim Week

My first Hell Week after giving birth! haha.. i was just at queen's place the whole week studying and eating and nothing. haha... i need to do better on the finals! that's ol!

January 16 - Mike Cadapan and Pers' Bday

Happy bday Mike! hindi kita na text dhil wla akong no. mo..Wala bng inuman??

Pers, my very lovingly late sister, I wish u all d best u deserve in life n congratulations for making it to UPLB!!! whooo.. let's celebrate!

January 23 - Joy Tor's 18th Bday

The sexiest and the only white-skinned among summer gurls! Happy 18 to u! i feel bad kasi wala ako dyan sa kung nasan k mna to greet u personally.. i really wanted to go to ur celebration party but i dont know how to contact you guys.. i super mis u tor! i still love u like i loved you before.

January 28 - Mommy's Bday

We went to church with my siblings, Bell n yaya. Then went to Shang right after but we left Bell n yaya sa house because Bell has a mild fever that time. We bought tickets for 'A Night in the Musem' and saw Nancy Castiglione while we were buying. While waiting for the time we had an early dinner at a chinese restaurant. Then after eating we watched the movie then after it we walked to Megamall to look for ice cream as a late desset but we're not able to find one so we just bought Zagu.. haha den went home na.

January 30 - Bell's 1st Bday; Mariz Dimaculangan's 18th Bday

my skit xa.. kainis. very sad dis day for Baby Bell and her mommy.

Mariz happi 18th sau.. I wish you more birthdays to come. always smile and never feel down.

January 31 - Today

Wala lng.. i just missed my blog.

prelim week

prelim weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! eek.

january 15-19. hay, i dont know if i can handle this,. this is my first prelims with a baby. i'm not used to have someone at home who is such a disturbance ever since, and now that its a hell week, i nid my own time alone meaning no makulit around who shouts and looks for attention and wants to play n play around! waaaaaaaaaaaa

help.

1st blog.

hello 2007! i wish a more exciting year ahead with more surprises that brings luck to me n my family.

but, wait a sec. y am i stuck here at home doing tons of assignment from my filipino prof! making our xmas breaks a hell. making us do an entry everyday the whole vacation which is supposed to be spent with the whole family and friends only and away from all the akad loads but no! she's so not fair.

if she just won't count our efforts for points in that journal! i'll be goin' mad this coming prelims! hmp.

nweiz, so much for this dramtic showing of emotions because of that stupid filipino subject that i never liked!

Merry Christmas!!

Happy Bday JESUS!!!! We Love You!.. just wonderin' how old are you now?! ÜÜÜ

irreplaceable by beyonce knowles is up to the beat right now.

don't know why there is no any christmas song here, nwyeiz, ive been so helpless around here maybe because im trying to feel my xmas vacation up to the nerve!!! haha. no akads to make, no training, no work!!! wo0ho0, this is worth a gift already for me.

So, its xmas day already, got nothin' to do but to relax myself n blog agen. Bell woke me up around 830am n i saw my bag beside her n all my stuffs scattered around her in my bed! what a disaster baby. then ate breakfast n opened our gifts in the christmas tree n also gave gifts to some of our friends here in the compound. after the gift moments, Bell got tired and took a bath then slept up to now..

yeserday, xmas eve, we just attended the misa de gallo n ate dinner then wento our beds to sleep n rest agen! The mass wasn't MAGARBO unlike last year, the mass lasted for about 2 hours but yesterday it was like a typical saturday mass with no ocassion. i miss the old parish priest! hmP!

Dec 23, me , Bell n yaya attended DaviD's CaTerInG XMas Party. It was super Fun to the Full blAst with All their EmployEes n queen. they were all so makulit n galing kumanta sa videoke!!! hehe. we plAyed games like we haven't plaYEd before, atE Dinner den Exchanged gifts and made Osme RAffLes and INUMAN 'til Dawn.

Dec 22, cant remember what hapened! hehe..

2006 Recap

today is the 24th of December. isang tulog n lng and Christmas day na. BEfore anything else, i Would just like to share that this year is such a big struggle of hardships and luck for me. After all of the struggles I've been too many blessings came in return too. 1st of all, my Bell was born on the January 30th of this year. I was in a "i-don't-know-what-t­o-do" stage of my life. It was until my baby was baptized because we were able to afford already. The date was May 7, 2006 until we(me n my mom) recovered from that stage. After that all blessings continuedto pour down to ua. June 20, 2006 I was hired by mom, she did that to help me in financing my baby and learn my lessons as well. My job was great because it makes me earn enough for my baby's needs and I don't need to borrow money anymore from my mom unlike during our first three months with Bell, my Mom is the one who provides everything which makes her feel that we're all such a burden to her. October 2006, my mom was able to transfer to her new office site near our house, as in just outside our compund. Then November 4, 2006 2nd sem started and i Was able to enroll myself too.. i'm back to school agen, good for me but not for my Bell, because it means less time for her and less paycheck for me to earn because my job from then on will just be a prt time and I will be paid based on my hours na lng, unlike before that I'm paid per day, however my rate now was higher but I dont have enough time to work in the office anymore because of the school loads which is keeping me busy. December 8, 2006 me and two of my new batchmates auditioned at our college's dance troupe, and because they are hardly in need of dancers they qualified us and after that weekend we were already training ourselves for the coming paskuhan on the 20th. A dance competition will on the said date. so we trained and practiced ourselves to death for a week until the event and because we were at a low-budget our creatives sides are being tested for the making of props and costumes was all bring-your-own. but because of God's grace we won the 3rd place. Not bad! December 22, 2006 her old stuffs in her old office was returned to us already, Our new office near our house is beginning to be filled up and look like a real office na..and now, its already vacation! I miss vacations!!!! that's why im blogging right now!!! haha.. ok, got to go, still need to help my mom in her office!

X-MAS BREAK!!

wo0o0oho0oo0!!!

its christmas break, at last!

i love christmas season...'coz 1st, i love the season n the weather too, 2nd its the season of giving, but for me, its the season of recieving!!! haha..3rd, simbang gabi.. 4th, this is my baby's 1st xmas ever.. lastly, its JC's bday agen!

haha.. i feel tired nah! see yah tom!

still lonely!

wake up around 6am to play and do all things necessary with my baby den to myself. after perking my day up , to the office right away until 11am then back home to freshen up myself for my 1pm classes until 6pm. by 7pm im home na. but usually i still go out with friends until 9-10pm is the latest. but if not, i just make assignments or play with my bell for relaxation.

i dreamed of being back to school ever since i stopped! because i was lonely den because i was home-bound all year... but why is it dat i'm still feeling lonely even if im now bak to skul and seeing my friends everyday and my baby too. i can still even work after all my school works and projects!

i dont know wats rily missing! i thought if ill be back to skul my depression wil end. but why this feeling is till here in me!

i hate this feeling already! it makes me feel like i cant breathe sometimes! tangina tlga! d ko n alam! lhat n ng effort in luking for my hapines ay gnwa ko nah! kso prang wla nmng ngyayari..

i realy dont know!

happy. lonely. pissed.

HAPPY. im happy because im back to school and i think things are goin fine too for me as well. Happy 'coz now, i can always see my friends. I can make gimmicks after school hours. I'm not worrying anything but myself and schook works anymore. I can do shyguys agen adn drink sometimes. I have the things i have not a year ago. Im back to who i was before.but..

LONELY. I feel something is missing. Im missing my baby when im at school. Nothing makes me feel groove and move faster. Im feeling bored despite of the happiness. Cant think of what is making me feel this way. im feeling stucked!

PISSED. 'coz i dont know how to end this feeling!

SHIT.

im officially enrolled again!

officially enrolled. meaning im an official estudyante to at the same time. i still cant believe that im actualy bak to school. nothing much happened this week. all professors was boring and always absent this week! however, ive been meeting new friends and classmates which is cool. anywya, our uniform is kinda cool too 'coz it makes us look like a flight stewardess.. i love it actually.

on the first day last november 6, 2006 i made an absent 'coz i now for sure there will be no prof that will attend to us. i just enrolled instead and completed the things i needed.

nov 7, my first day!!! my first time in my corporate look uniform.. super init!!! but my new batchmates was fine. they were super friendly to me. i can see that they've been really close to each other already after one semester only. it makes me reminisce the past and miss my h2 batchmates before.

today is the last day of the week. hope to see all my professors today! haha

estudyante again!

OMG!!! still in the state of 'is this true'?? tomorrow is gonna be is the start of reality in my life! I'll be both a student and a working mom!!! who0o** I dont know what to say and to expect to what wil happen nor to myself. What bothers me is how will I be able to earn the same as before when I was full time working in the future. I cant focus my mind on things I really want to do because my baby is killing my head on thinking ways for me to make money easily! haay, I cant do this all on my own for now because I know for myself that Im incapacitated to work to other companies 'coz im only 1st year. almost all of them needs a minimun requirement of atleast 2nd yr college! I running out of ideas already and beginning to lose hope! This cant be, but this is my destiny.. I dont know what to do anymore! My head is blank! SH*T

weekly update

October 23, 2006

So0o0o many deadlines to government offices. Ive been scolded for many mistakes. I was super bored because i was thinking of my back-to-school things n issues. After loads of work at 6pm i was out. Prepared for Melai's debut at Kamias with my prety baby gurl. Her dada Gilbert n dada Gallo fetched us pra sabay n kmi to the venue. by 8pm we left n headed to the party with bell n her yaya ofcourse! Her ninangs were goin crazy because they didnt expect there inaanaksa debut. By 10pm bell was sleepy n pagod because of the crowd so i sort silently made an exit with my baby 'coz i have to bring them home na, pagod n din kc c yaya eh. nywyz, the ninongs n ninangs had fun nmn with my baby. after i brought them home we went back to the debut n finished the program by 12am.

October 24, 2006

This day was an official holiday because of Ramadan. Anyways, so because its a holiday,after the debut we went to Pier 1 at the Fort n drunk some beers until are tummies were full but not tipsy. by 245am we were finished drinking n smoking some we went home already n me i went with them to eLbi because a friend of mine had her birthday bash in pansol, laguna in a private resort der. so after evryone was on their homes already it was my turn to be dropped to my destination. and as we were looking for the place of the bash.. we were lost! until we've got no more choice but to call them n fetch me at the first block. haha. wen isaw the car that is supposed to fetch me i went off the car n made salubong them n didnt make any acquaintances to each other kc nkakahiya na.. den wen i said gudbye to my elbi friends i transfered to the other car n said i was with my friends choy den they all screamed at me dat why didnt i said it earlier so that they were able to know him!!! haha.. daming my crush sau choy!!!

So, at last i was at the venue of the bash already. i had no plans of sleeping so, me nina n d celebrant just sang our lungs out while playing tong-its till dawn. The sun has risen n they were all getting up. me, nina n ate fatz awas so sleepy but has nothing to do because poeple are making gulo!!! waaaa. We tried to sleep by 9am but then she n ches was trying to piss us off by turning the fun to no. 4!! the coldest!! nagulat ako sobra n so was nina n queen. so we walked out. we made a revenge by putting water on their faces while sleeping too!!! haha. super fun!!! until i got wet too! so i had no choice but to swim . by 1pm i got out of the pool to prepare myslef for lunch. 3pm was packing time den 4pm was the time to go back to manila!!!

October 25, 2006

Work again. but still restless by yesterdays fun! hahaha!!! made undertime for my 4pm's cutiliion practice for queen's debut next yr.

October 26, 2006

wwwwwwwork.
ressssssssssst.
sllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppppppppp.

October 27, 2006

I made absent from work because i had to do some things regarding my readmission ek-ek to uste!uhmmm.. crinkles a friend of bell's ninangs voluntered to be babysitter for that day so dinala ko c bell sa uste for him because he also wants to see my baby as well. after i finished my business with uste we went to usth for bells check-up. bell has sipon n ubo n prang my phlegm n its relly bothering me,'coz dis is her 1st time. After the chek-up , the feeling daddy left us for some reason so me n queen was left with bell . we went to megamall after he left n ate lunch while bell was sleeping. after lunch we looked for a gift for faith for ehr debut tomorrow. den we went to starbucks n hanged out for a while. den off to queen's place to rest n hang out for a while to until the sunsets. went home aroung 930pm n arrived home at 10pm.

October 28, 2006

super tired! slept a lot!

lazy me!

tinatamad n ako sa office n i dont know y. maybe because der is no more challenge for me working here in an accounting firm. haay, i liked this before so much but now it seems like im bored everyday of my life here inside the office!

Anyway, maybe because of my salary dat is not fittiny budget anymore.ESp, now dat m only weeks away from being a college student agen.

if i can just choose d work n salary i want den i will be having no problems no more.

making my life more miserable

she got mad at me because i dont want to be scolded anymore.and who wants to be scolded kung pauli-ulit nmn ang sinasabi. anyway, because she is super mad at me, she assumed that im super salbahi at wala ng pag asang mgbago pa at hindi ako nkakatulong at pinagbintangan p akong mgnanakaw. i dont know where all these cam from. and i think by tomorrow we dont have a maid anymore because she will bring our helper together with her. she wants me to make my life more miserable and i think she dont want me to get up from my mistakes ive done in life. i dont want to say this but i think her way of thinking is so squarish. i undrstand her way of living in life because she is from d province at ganun tlga. i just dont know wat to do anymore. if she is testing my temper well then i think she got wat she wanted to see in me. i cannot blame myself of bursting out dhil matagal n akong mgttanim ng mga lungkot at msasamang salitang binabato skin sa loob ko! i dont have an outlet here. if only i live in fantasies then i can just disappear if i want to then all this ugly feelings will be gone too.

HELL WEEK!

its a hell week for others because of loads of exams. but for me, its a hell week because of my 'sirang plakang' lola. Ever since mom left to India she did nothing but scold me and make sermons about what i did to myself and tells me of all the things that will happen to me in the future. She told me that i dont have anyhope of changing myself and this life i have right now is the end of evrything. Its so sad to hear for me becuae thats is not my pint of view. Thats not my pint of view in life and she just keeps on pushing me down, getting me in the nerves and makes me depressed and annoyed at her. I dont want to withdraw my respect from her but everytiome i go down stairs and see her she just starta all over again and says things that is not good for me. I know myself and I admit that im emotionally weak. I dont know why im like this but in some ways i know my grandma just wants me to face the raelity that made. Kung ako lng, alm ko nmn un eh, and im not forgetting all the mistakes and sins ive done. I also know for myslef that i am burden. I just dont know why is she so mad and make things look like a 'from d barrio' na story, n once u get pregnant at an early age it means u ended ur happy n succesful dreams. Hay nku, Putangina!!! di ko mapigilan! naiinis lng ako.. sumasakitn rin ang ulo ko i just thank gof that this week is almost ove.. isang tulog n lng.. and everything will be ok..

running nose ALERT.

my baby has sipon! waaaa.

wish ko lng sana wg matuloy sa fever. my gadddd.

akala ko hatsing lng ung khapon..sipon n pla!

d aq mpakale, we'll just go to the doctor today when she wakes up.

Huhuhu. Pray for my baby guys. Im super worried already.

JOELLE LIBROJO!!!

as i was blog hopping i tried viewing joelle's site hoping that there will be a new post and to my surpirise she posted last September 24, 2006 p pla.. i think she is so stuck n bored on where ever she is.. weshufermishunah.. here's what she posted:

domingo, septiembre 24, 2006

LONDON
bridge is falling down

howcome everytime you come around my london london bridge wanna go down
like....OH YEAH, FINALLY, A WAY TO ESCAPE EVERYTHING!!7 more days...HERE I
COME!!!!

songstuckinhead:nothing in this world - paris hilton

joey, THE MONSTAR was here @ 9/24/2006
03:15:00 PM

joey, if ur reading dis..pramdam k nmn oh.. if ever ur in manila, inform whoever sa sg pra mlamn nmn nmin if ur ok.. we truly mis u na.. hope ur doin fine. mua.

Demote?

What is demote? I just heard recently from my boss. She said one of our clients' manager was demoted as a call center agent.

I guess, demote is the opposite of promote, ayt?! Watever! bsta ngaun ko lng narinig n meron p lng ganung moments n ngyayri sa isang company. gAdDdd..

Debut Parties

I love parties especially debut parties. Every debut is different from the other and is full of memories to reminisce. Truly dramatic but very touching. You'll never forget the times of fun and cries and silly moments you've been to together. And ofcourse, i cant resist the moment of choosing and thinking of what clothes to wear depending on the theme.. HAha..

That's why Im so excited on my first cutillion ever. Queen invited me to be join her cutillion on her debut next year, she doesn't know that her mom already invited me first. hehe. I thought she will forget about it but I guess not. Waaaa. I did not watched my diet these past few months. gaDd i'm bigger than what i am before!!! I cant be like this on her debut, it would be very awkward for me to move cause i dont know anyone there but the debutant and her family only!!..

I can do this!!papapayat ako!!! KAYA KO TOH!

Random cuteness

i just cant think of anything to do kaya i came up with this. cute dba?! Nweiz, to make it more cute I'll share you the story behind every pic.

(left to right, top to bottom)
1. Big eyed looking gulat pic was taken when she was 2 months old. We were enjoying the real digi cam of my mom's friend kc we are suppose to return it agad. We take our pics ksi sa phone camera lng.
2. Super jolly laughing looking baby. Actually, i forgot why she was so giggling her lungs out. bsta this moment was one of her first real laughs.
3. Sagging cheeks with matching green headband makes her look mad because of the annoying feeling in her head which she doesn't know what it is. And because she's still a baby she can't do anything but make faces. Haha. Mukhang boksidor!
4. Wailing with white background. The white beackground is her sando. wala lng. trip lng.hihi..
5. Pink head gear with matching yellow body fit and tongue-out. Very cute. My baby was seven months old in this pic and very responsive to sounds and to people she is always seeing.
6. Drinking her milk in her stroller and due to hunger and sleepyness, she fell asleep hugging her feeding bottle scared that somebody might get it not knowing n there's no more milk n pla! Haha. P.G. baby..
7. This pool was inside our hotel room in Splash Mountain in Laguna. We were there because of Rosela's debut party(one of her ninangs). She took a bath at the mini pool inside the room and got scared because i threw her in it assuming that she will float pero hindi pa pala.hehe. Sorry baby.
8. Seryoso look. I dont know why she is looking like this. She is wearing a head gear that makes her look like Madam Auring. haha. We call her Madam Bell in this pic..
9. Sleeping but still eating. This pic was taken when she was six months old. She was very hungry and very sleepy too at the same time. I fed her with her mashed banana and just before she finish her meal her yaya told me that her eyes are closed and was sleeping already. i didnt believe her because she was still eating every spoon i gave her. Haha.. very funny!!!!

LOve you BabY!