still lonely!

wake up around 6am to play and do all things necessary with my baby den to myself. after perking my day up , to the office right away until 11am then back home to freshen up myself for my 1pm classes until 6pm. by 7pm im home na. but usually i still go out with friends until 9-10pm is the latest. but if not, i just make assignments or play with my bell for relaxation.

i dreamed of being back to school ever since i stopped! because i was lonely den because i was home-bound all year... but why is it dat i'm still feeling lonely even if im now bak to skul and seeing my friends everyday and my baby too. i can still even work after all my school works and projects!

i dont know wats rily missing! i thought if ill be back to skul my depression wil end. but why this feeling is till here in me!

i hate this feeling already! it makes me feel like i cant breathe sometimes! tangina tlga! d ko n alam! lhat n ng effort in luking for my hapines ay gnwa ko nah! kso prang wla nmng ngyayari..

i realy dont know!

happy. lonely. pissed.

HAPPY. im happy because im back to school and i think things are goin fine too for me as well. Happy 'coz now, i can always see my friends. I can make gimmicks after school hours. I'm not worrying anything but myself and schook works anymore. I can do shyguys agen adn drink sometimes. I have the things i have not a year ago. Im back to who i was before.but..

LONELY. I feel something is missing. Im missing my baby when im at school. Nothing makes me feel groove and move faster. Im feeling bored despite of the happiness. Cant think of what is making me feel this way. im feeling stucked!

PISSED. 'coz i dont know how to end this feeling!

SHIT.

im officially enrolled again!

officially enrolled. meaning im an official estudyante to at the same time. i still cant believe that im actualy bak to school. nothing much happened this week. all professors was boring and always absent this week! however, ive been meeting new friends and classmates which is cool. anywya, our uniform is kinda cool too 'coz it makes us look like a flight stewardess.. i love it actually.

on the first day last november 6, 2006 i made an absent 'coz i now for sure there will be no prof that will attend to us. i just enrolled instead and completed the things i needed.

nov 7, my first day!!! my first time in my corporate look uniform.. super init!!! but my new batchmates was fine. they were super friendly to me. i can see that they've been really close to each other already after one semester only. it makes me reminisce the past and miss my h2 batchmates before.

today is the last day of the week. hope to see all my professors today! haha

estudyante again!

OMG!!! still in the state of 'is this true'?? tomorrow is gonna be is the start of reality in my life! I'll be both a student and a working mom!!! who0o** I dont know what to say and to expect to what wil happen nor to myself. What bothers me is how will I be able to earn the same as before when I was full time working in the future. I cant focus my mind on things I really want to do because my baby is killing my head on thinking ways for me to make money easily! haay, I cant do this all on my own for now because I know for myself that Im incapacitated to work to other companies 'coz im only 1st year. almost all of them needs a minimun requirement of atleast 2nd yr college! I running out of ideas already and beginning to lose hope! This cant be, but this is my destiny.. I dont know what to do anymore! My head is blank! SH*T

weekly update

October 23, 2006

So0o0o many deadlines to government offices. Ive been scolded for many mistakes. I was super bored because i was thinking of my back-to-school things n issues. After loads of work at 6pm i was out. Prepared for Melai's debut at Kamias with my prety baby gurl. Her dada Gilbert n dada Gallo fetched us pra sabay n kmi to the venue. by 8pm we left n headed to the party with bell n her yaya ofcourse! Her ninangs were goin crazy because they didnt expect there inaanaksa debut. By 10pm bell was sleepy n pagod because of the crowd so i sort silently made an exit with my baby 'coz i have to bring them home na, pagod n din kc c yaya eh. nywyz, the ninongs n ninangs had fun nmn with my baby. after i brought them home we went back to the debut n finished the program by 12am.

October 24, 2006

This day was an official holiday because of Ramadan. Anyways, so because its a holiday,after the debut we went to Pier 1 at the Fort n drunk some beers until are tummies were full but not tipsy. by 245am we were finished drinking n smoking some we went home already n me i went with them to eLbi because a friend of mine had her birthday bash in pansol, laguna in a private resort der. so after evryone was on their homes already it was my turn to be dropped to my destination. and as we were looking for the place of the bash.. we were lost! until we've got no more choice but to call them n fetch me at the first block. haha. wen isaw the car that is supposed to fetch me i went off the car n made salubong them n didnt make any acquaintances to each other kc nkakahiya na.. den wen i said gudbye to my elbi friends i transfered to the other car n said i was with my friends choy den they all screamed at me dat why didnt i said it earlier so that they were able to know him!!! haha.. daming my crush sau choy!!!

So, at last i was at the venue of the bash already. i had no plans of sleeping so, me nina n d celebrant just sang our lungs out while playing tong-its till dawn. The sun has risen n they were all getting up. me, nina n ate fatz awas so sleepy but has nothing to do because poeple are making gulo!!! waaaa. We tried to sleep by 9am but then she n ches was trying to piss us off by turning the fun to no. 4!! the coldest!! nagulat ako sobra n so was nina n queen. so we walked out. we made a revenge by putting water on their faces while sleeping too!!! haha. super fun!!! until i got wet too! so i had no choice but to swim . by 1pm i got out of the pool to prepare myslef for lunch. 3pm was packing time den 4pm was the time to go back to manila!!!

October 25, 2006

Work again. but still restless by yesterdays fun! hahaha!!! made undertime for my 4pm's cutiliion practice for queen's debut next yr.

October 26, 2006

wwwwwwwork.
ressssssssssst.
sllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppppppppp.

October 27, 2006

I made absent from work because i had to do some things regarding my readmission ek-ek to uste!uhmmm.. crinkles a friend of bell's ninangs voluntered to be babysitter for that day so dinala ko c bell sa uste for him because he also wants to see my baby as well. after i finished my business with uste we went to usth for bells check-up. bell has sipon n ubo n prang my phlegm n its relly bothering me,'coz dis is her 1st time. After the chek-up , the feeling daddy left us for some reason so me n queen was left with bell . we went to megamall after he left n ate lunch while bell was sleeping. after lunch we looked for a gift for faith for ehr debut tomorrow. den we went to starbucks n hanged out for a while. den off to queen's place to rest n hang out for a while to until the sunsets. went home aroung 930pm n arrived home at 10pm.

October 28, 2006

super tired! slept a lot!

lazy me!

tinatamad n ako sa office n i dont know y. maybe because der is no more challenge for me working here in an accounting firm. haay, i liked this before so much but now it seems like im bored everyday of my life here inside the office!

Anyway, maybe because of my salary dat is not fittiny budget anymore.ESp, now dat m only weeks away from being a college student agen.

if i can just choose d work n salary i want den i will be having no problems no more.

making my life more miserable

she got mad at me because i dont want to be scolded anymore.and who wants to be scolded kung pauli-ulit nmn ang sinasabi. anyway, because she is super mad at me, she assumed that im super salbahi at wala ng pag asang mgbago pa at hindi ako nkakatulong at pinagbintangan p akong mgnanakaw. i dont know where all these cam from. and i think by tomorrow we dont have a maid anymore because she will bring our helper together with her. she wants me to make my life more miserable and i think she dont want me to get up from my mistakes ive done in life. i dont want to say this but i think her way of thinking is so squarish. i undrstand her way of living in life because she is from d province at ganun tlga. i just dont know wat to do anymore. if she is testing my temper well then i think she got wat she wanted to see in me. i cannot blame myself of bursting out dhil matagal n akong mgttanim ng mga lungkot at msasamang salitang binabato skin sa loob ko! i dont have an outlet here. if only i live in fantasies then i can just disappear if i want to then all this ugly feelings will be gone too.

HELL WEEK!

its a hell week for others because of loads of exams. but for me, its a hell week because of my 'sirang plakang' lola. Ever since mom left to India she did nothing but scold me and make sermons about what i did to myself and tells me of all the things that will happen to me in the future. She told me that i dont have anyhope of changing myself and this life i have right now is the end of evrything. Its so sad to hear for me becuae thats is not my pint of view. Thats not my pint of view in life and she just keeps on pushing me down, getting me in the nerves and makes me depressed and annoyed at her. I dont want to withdraw my respect from her but everytiome i go down stairs and see her she just starta all over again and says things that is not good for me. I know myself and I admit that im emotionally weak. I dont know why im like this but in some ways i know my grandma just wants me to face the raelity that made. Kung ako lng, alm ko nmn un eh, and im not forgetting all the mistakes and sins ive done. I also know for myslef that i am burden. I just dont know why is she so mad and make things look like a 'from d barrio' na story, n once u get pregnant at an early age it means u ended ur happy n succesful dreams. Hay nku, Putangina!!! di ko mapigilan! naiinis lng ako.. sumasakitn rin ang ulo ko i just thank gof that this week is almost ove.. isang tulog n lng.. and everything will be ok..

running nose ALERT.

my baby has sipon! waaaa.

wish ko lng sana wg matuloy sa fever. my gadddd.

akala ko hatsing lng ung khapon..sipon n pla!

d aq mpakale, we'll just go to the doctor today when she wakes up.

Huhuhu. Pray for my baby guys. Im super worried already.

JOELLE LIBROJO!!!

as i was blog hopping i tried viewing joelle's site hoping that there will be a new post and to my surpirise she posted last September 24, 2006 p pla.. i think she is so stuck n bored on where ever she is.. weshufermishunah.. here's what she posted:

domingo, septiembre 24, 2006

LONDON
bridge is falling down

howcome everytime you come around my london london bridge wanna go down
like....OH YEAH, FINALLY, A WAY TO ESCAPE EVERYTHING!!7 more days...HERE I
COME!!!!

songstuckinhead:nothing in this world - paris hilton

joey, THE MONSTAR was here @ 9/24/2006
03:15:00 PM

joey, if ur reading dis..pramdam k nmn oh.. if ever ur in manila, inform whoever sa sg pra mlamn nmn nmin if ur ok.. we truly mis u na.. hope ur doin fine. mua.

Demote?

What is demote? I just heard recently from my boss. She said one of our clients' manager was demoted as a call center agent.

I guess, demote is the opposite of promote, ayt?! Watever! bsta ngaun ko lng narinig n meron p lng ganung moments n ngyayri sa isang company. gAdDdd..

Debut Parties

I love parties especially debut parties. Every debut is different from the other and is full of memories to reminisce. Truly dramatic but very touching. You'll never forget the times of fun and cries and silly moments you've been to together. And ofcourse, i cant resist the moment of choosing and thinking of what clothes to wear depending on the theme.. HAha..

That's why Im so excited on my first cutillion ever. Queen invited me to be join her cutillion on her debut next year, she doesn't know that her mom already invited me first. hehe. I thought she will forget about it but I guess not. Waaaa. I did not watched my diet these past few months. gaDd i'm bigger than what i am before!!! I cant be like this on her debut, it would be very awkward for me to move cause i dont know anyone there but the debutant and her family only!!..

I can do this!!papapayat ako!!! KAYA KO TOH!

Random cuteness

i just cant think of anything to do kaya i came up with this. cute dba?! Nweiz, to make it more cute I'll share you the story behind every pic.

(left to right, top to bottom)
1. Big eyed looking gulat pic was taken when she was 2 months old. We were enjoying the real digi cam of my mom's friend kc we are suppose to return it agad. We take our pics ksi sa phone camera lng.
2. Super jolly laughing looking baby. Actually, i forgot why she was so giggling her lungs out. bsta this moment was one of her first real laughs.
3. Sagging cheeks with matching green headband makes her look mad because of the annoying feeling in her head which she doesn't know what it is. And because she's still a baby she can't do anything but make faces. Haha. Mukhang boksidor!
4. Wailing with white background. The white beackground is her sando. wala lng. trip lng.hihi..
5. Pink head gear with matching yellow body fit and tongue-out. Very cute. My baby was seven months old in this pic and very responsive to sounds and to people she is always seeing.
6. Drinking her milk in her stroller and due to hunger and sleepyness, she fell asleep hugging her feeding bottle scared that somebody might get it not knowing n there's no more milk n pla! Haha. P.G. baby..
7. This pool was inside our hotel room in Splash Mountain in Laguna. We were there because of Rosela's debut party(one of her ninangs). She took a bath at the mini pool inside the room and got scared because i threw her in it assuming that she will float pero hindi pa pala.hehe. Sorry baby.
8. Seryoso look. I dont know why she is looking like this. She is wearing a head gear that makes her look like Madam Auring. haha. We call her Madam Bell in this pic..
9. Sleeping but still eating. This pic was taken when she was six months old. She was very hungry and very sleepy too at the same time. I fed her with her mashed banana and just before she finish her meal her yaya told me that her eyes are closed and was sleeping already. i didnt believe her because she was still eating every spoon i gave her. Haha.. very funny!!!!

LOve you BabY!

Generations

This is my 4 generations family picture. On the left clockwise: My grandmother Emma, Mommy, Me and My baby. It looks cute though it will be more cute if my mom's grandmother is here too. Yes, she's still alive, my lola's mother. We call her Lola Luring. She is in Iloilo right now and in a bad health condition. We are all actually hoping her a good health and long life. She still haven't seen my baby n our youngest cousin in Japan.

Anyway, speaking of the olds, have you ever been scolded by your lola. I mean, scolding you by the things they were used to and we are not. The old times way of living and being compared to you. things like you are not supposed to have many friends becasue it bad luck! Darn, ngaun ko lng narinig un! Grabe talaga! Good thing i didn't defend myself even if I know I should or else she will be goin' so mad.

I think I miss mommee, she's in India right now and she'll be here by the end of the week. Medyo matagal pero ok lng. Siguro this is our moment talga with our Lola. We never grew with their generation kc. We were raised in a modern way than my Lola Emma. On the other hand, i will also too to my baby. Imagine, when my baby reaches 16 or when she graduates from highschool I'm only 33 years old. Haha, very cute.

So, i think i really have to strive harder so that I can reach my goals on time and at the same time be with my baby at her side too. Hay.. buhay. 

work issues

I've been working 3 months already and this is my last month as a full time on it. And from the past months many things happened good and bad. Im just so happy of myself because I can see that I can financially support my baby on my own. The feeling is so great and such a great achievement for me. Anyways, on the bad side is... many kinds of issues rises here and there. Co-workers can't find anything to do but to make gossips and rumors that doesn't make any sense anymore until someone gets out of work. Its sad to know that its really true and that people on the higher level are so arrogant that they dont know want to know what the real story of everything. Its so unfair.

Hay, stressful it is, but still enjoying it cause I'm learning more and more everyday. Its more of an advantage for me than a headache although sometimes it is too.. haha.

My boss (my mom) is out of the country since yesterday for both work and pleasure in Calcutta, India. I hope she's doin' fine there right now. And that she wont forget any pasalubong for us.. hehe... On the other side, its gonna be a scary week for me to be working all the deadlines and calls that will be killing me to death. But i think its gonna be a challenge.waaaaa..... but still scary.. wish me luck!!.. I know me and kuya Mariel can make it!!! hay,..

walang magawa!

wala akong magawa at wala ding masabi.

d q alam kung bat p ako ngsusulat.

ewan.

sayang sa oras.

haha.

Learn vs. Earn

Accdg. to Merriam-Webstern Online Dictionary...

LEARN
transitive verb1 a (1) : to gain knowledge or
understanding of or skill in by study, instruction, or experience trade>

VS.

EARN
transitive verb1 a : to receive as
return for effort and especially for work done or services rendered b : to bring
in by way of return

I'm really super excited for 2nd sem, as in until right now i still cant decide on whether to choose learn n earn at the same time or learn only for future purposes!!!

hirap mg decide ngaun kc my bby na ako.

ang gumugulo lng nmn sa isip ko ay ang mga options n meron ako at kung ano ang igragrab ko ... gets nyo?!

OPTIONS:

1. LEARN n' EARN - I will study n at the same time work so that i will earn some for my baby's needs to lessen my mom's monthly expenses n loads... in this way, i will be able to help my mom and face my role both as a student and a mother at the same time enjoying it.
2. LEARN - I will study and become a full-time student and prepare myself and grades for my transfer to UP next year. After i transfer, my tuition will be lowered and my future will be on the great path already because of UP ofcourse!
3. EARN - i will work n earn n save so that all my baby's expenses n needs will be coming from my own efforts and not from my mom to lessen the stress n burden i'm giving her. then after i have saved enough money, i will put up a business and work again then after i normalized all my operations that is the time i wil go back to college to continue my studies or if not just continue with my business operations n work harder to earn more so that i will be able to raise my gurl nicely and help my mom in our finances.

I just still cant figure out what is the right choice to make. and everyday i keep on thinking about it because i'm afraid to be on the wrong choice or path. hmph!

GLOBE KANTABATAAN FINALS

TODAY IS THE GRAND FINALS!

And im actually watching right now! and to my SHOCK!!!

they WON THE GRAND PRIZE!!!

wo0oho0o0o!!!! ICHTHUS!!!!

YOU ROCK GUYS!!!!

just keep on rockin'!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS.

more updates about ICHTHUS are to follow...

Where is my home?

WELCOME! to my new looking blog. Ü

Where is my home?

actually, i don't know what this skin means to me ÜÜÜ i just think its cute and simple.

nyway, i'm soo in the mood to share thoughts but until now i can't think of any subject matter to talk about.

hmm...

thinking..

haha.

already thought of something..

-BER months are coming and so is 2nd sem. and because of that, i am so paranoid of getting slim quick. i only have 2 months left to do so. everytime i think of my strategy about it, it makes me so confident and 'disidido' person but after a while and food comes my way all my strategies and plans of getting into shape are just gone like a snap in my head. how will i be able to be confident when i get back to schul already. waaaaaaaaaaa. i dont know how to control myself anymore. i feel so shit because i know for my self that i am not like this before i got pregnant. SH*T!

hmmph. i feel so desperate and i just HATE IT! if i just have someone to help me with this silly prob i'm having, i wouldn't mind repaying you whoever you are someday! SH*T!

* * *

uhm, remember the guy i was talking about before that i think has a something fishy going on with my mom?!?.. well, we just talked on the net and i think his nice, 'coz ever since then he's been helping was out especially mom in every way he could. he is a SuperBusyGuy+KindHeartedGuy=SuperCoolNiceGuy. He's been giving my mom some stuffs for no reason and sometimes because he just likes to. i'm not stupid about figuring out things about the so-called 'SECRET' relationship of others. therefore, i can tell that the are just not wonderful friends but boyfriends/girlfriends or whatever the oldies call it.

my point is that -- i not against or being mad about it anymore. so whatever is going on now, just tell it us right now. before it makes any one of us annoyed. hehe. and to SuperCoolNiceGuy, hope to see u soon and thanx for helping us n my mom and of course for making her smile once in a while. ;P

* * *

i just read my title agen and makes me think that its not relatd to any of my subject matter today..lolz. watever.

* * *

tomorrow is a sunday! AUGUST 27, 2006. the GAND
FINALS of GLOBE KANTABATAAN's
TOP 5 Finalists SHOWDOWN to who is the best
composer and the coolest band of
them all! SO DONT FORGET TO WATCH
IT!!!

ICHTHUS!!! this is my band!!!! Wo0oo0o0oho0o0o!!!! i'll cheer for u guys! god bless tom!

The members of the band:

Kevin Castillo.DRUMMER - my favorite clasmate since 2nd yr and bestfriend too. we knew each other already since 1st yr but become very gud frnds in 2nd yr HS. he really loves music--he plays the guitar, piano, organ, guitar(lead and bass) and he's even a good composer. he also loves art, he's a very good artist and has a very nice imagination just what artists' attitude and behavior has. Now, he is ind 2nd yr college of entrepreneurship in PUP.

Andrew Panaligan.LEAD GUITARIST - classmates since 2nd yr. a very silly guy and super chickboi. grabs chics by her talent in music but is so lazy when it comes to school work!

Andrei Panaligan.BASS GUITARIST - twin of andrew, bu tim not sure of hu is older. this guy is so expert in making fun of people. talented on making silly jokes and in basketball. you can't trust him in school works either just like his twin but dont dare him in basketball or you'll regret it! i tell you! he's a chic, basketball, music bounded guy too.

Carizza Panaligan.VOCALIST - the only gurl in the band. she's one year behind his brothers, yes the twins! she is their youngest in their family. i heard her voice since she stepped into our HS community in CSi. and D*MN she has very sweet and loud voice already ever since. and i never doubted about her voice talent that one day she'll be known for that.

Jeryl Manansala.KEYBOARDIST - uhm, i dont know him actually nor saw him in person neither. but i'm sure he's great and super talented too because he wont be with them if he's not as co0l talented as his other bandmates!

so0.. all you guys who know them don't forget to watch the finals and see my band, OK?!

* * *

its almost eating time agen and once agen i cant resist food. so gotta go. Ü

ICHTHUS, if any of you are reading this! i support u guys, even i u wont make it as 1st place its ok 'coz u really proved to people that u're all music freaks. keep it up guys. im super proud of u and so is my UST frnds and family.. love u ol. mua.

CHILDISHNESS.SELFISHNESS. ARROGANTNESS.

i just can't take the attitude of people that are super childish, selfish and ofcourse arrogant people.

they only want things to be all in favor with them!

becoming nice to someone because he hardly needs something in return. then afterwards he get it, everything between you and him are like SHIT! as in like nobody knows each other. BULL SHIT, ayt?!

what i meant was, why can't just people be their self and not act like pigs!

you won't be able to live life in that way forever. and ofcourse you have to change to be able to adapt the real concept of living in the reality wheter yo like it or not. because that is the way! and no one can can be against it! even me.

FUCK those people! i just wish them all the best in life because i pity them that maybe one day, they'll be just goin' crazy because they can't handle things the way it should be and acannot accept their own destiny and the reality too itself! haha. GOD BLESS you guys out there hu has same attitude of hu i am talking about!