My elementary days was quite boring because I don't have much friends then. I also had a very bad experience when I was in grade 3. Until I reached 6th grade, I become the friend of everybody. I became a rebel, a black sheep and very stubborn eldest daughter. I was like almost a tomboy because I was one of the boys and I wear loose clothes all the time because I'm a fatty girl who doesnt know how to wear clothes properly, I don't know why. And then highschool came, more friends and more teen issues.
I cannot blame my mom to be a very hardworking and workaholic. AS we grow, our financial needs increases also. My siblings and I basically grew with our maids at home. All my life, my guardian at home and my mentor was our helper. My mom was always busy so she can provide us will all our daily needs like food, shelter and school stuffs. Thanks! However, we at home are actually experiencing a bad start in life.
I can remember that our helpers were pulling each others hair, shouting and slapping each others face. No one supervises us when we were watching televsion. Our helper brings her friends and boyfriends at home. I also caught our maid sneaking out at night while mom is not yet home and we are 'sleeping'. One of our maids also tauught me to lie to my mom, not to tell mother that our helper was making lakwatsa instead of keeping the house clean. One of our maids also spanks and scolds us very much how I do it with my daughter today. I tried to make sumbong kay mom pero hindi niya naman ako pinansin. Kinampihan pa yung bossy maid at ako pa ang napahiya. All these are my first lessons in life so it stucked in my mind and I think i did it all as well. I quarrel with my brother all the time. I became bossy and spank my siblings if they don't follow my orders.
My siblings and I were practically living our lives alone during those 'formative years' of our lives. I cannot blame anybody of who I am right now but I would like to apologize to my younger brother. I can see that he learned from me when I was in highschool and I dont think I was a very good example to him.To my younger sister, naawa ako sayo because until now, hindi ma-imagine kung ano ba tlgang gusto mo sa life, you maybe the most goody-good in everybody's eyes among the three of us but what else? To my dad, I still want to have you in my life, I still want to experience the feeling of having a dad. All I remember about you was that you always talk to me and check on me about what I think and how I feel but that was when I was still on my diapers until I reached Grade 1 and then you were gone. To my mom, I cannot blame you for being away from us most of the time. I praise you for your hardwork all these years just to provide for us. We couldnt have what we have right now if not because of all your dedication to your work.
However, every decision we make has a consequence. Whether its good or bad. Think about it.
All these years, whatever I am right now, its not because I purposefully did it all to myself. Nobody does bad things to himself on purpose. Everything has a reason. Try thinking again and look at the other side of the picture. As of the moment, I can say that I just learned all the ways of life alone and the hard way. I am actually thanking Him for making me experience it all, because though I was alone and still alone understanding life I am now on the way of knowing myself and looking for the right people to mingle with that would lead me to my dreams and goals in life.
I really screwed up - BIG TIME at some point but look now, I'm still learning and will never be perfect too. I can say that there is nothing we can all do about what is wrong with any of us today. we just have to learn how to make it right and that is by: first, knowing what is wrong with you. second, learn how to make it right. third, if it doesnt work just keep on reminding yourself. paulit-ulit lang. If you think you really cannot change what is wrong with you then don't. Just remind yourself about it.
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