motherly thoughts

I went through my friendster account and saw a post in the bulletin which really struck me and I don’t know why!

From: mallow full

Date: Friday, 9 June, 2006 7:19 PM
Subject: baby ko lng mhal ko!
Message: baby luv you so much mmmwah...mis you!baby
kurt_10

Sh*t. I feel so sh*t. I don’t know why. I want to kill them both and remove them in my head as if I never knew them but I don’t know how! It’s been almost a year that I’m trying to that… but since then nothing happened. I guess what’s been happening from the past was so unreal of me thinking of that I’ve totally overcame the issue about them but I guess it’s just me hiding from the reality of what I’m trying to hide to everyone that I still have some interest on him. But I think that’s how it is because of the fact that he is the damn father of my baby and I’m still hoping that everything will be ok from the both us and then I won’t be worrying anymore for the future circumstances whenever my baby will be looking for her father.

I don’t know what to tell my little angel by the time she will ask about it. I just don’t know in what manner I will tell her the truth or maybe just tell her lies to not make her feel bad because of the real dilemma that might feel her anxious about it and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want my baby to grow up the way I did, no father!