before boop

haha.

remembered what my 4th yr adviser used to say to us,

"in every decision you make there is always a consequence"

my big bro went online and saw fcuking kurt online and is using a webcam too. my bro tried to view his cam but the sh*t turned to invisible! i think he got scared! haha so, i went online too and used a cam and posted the message - view my cutie baby and the hottie mommie.

i was assuming that he will attempt to view me and guess what, i was right! haha. he attempted to view me twice but i rejected him and even made easy on me by sending me a smiley waving.

he is just not so thinking, assuming that i will show him my cutie boop. after all what he did. well, actually i have forgiven him already but he pissed me off by chatting me at the wrong time with the wrong words to tell! and now i dont think he deserves to see all the moments that my boop made that i treasured.

just wondering what he is thinking and trying to do now because i wont let him see my boop...hmm

to clear things up ill share to u guys what really happened, here goes:

april n may 05, we were starting packing our stuffs and made a garage sale to sell out stuffs that are not-so-useful already by the time we move.

a week before we leave, he talked to me eye-to-eye looking so serious and said, "iLdz, nung gagawin mo pg nabuntis kita??" i was so shocked cause i know for myself that it will not happen ever to me! so i did not answeres and said EWAN. but if it is true then i will keep the baby. abortion is such a big a sin and i cant afford doing that too. alam ko n sa sarili ko n angdami ko ng kasalanan at kung totoo man ayaw ko ng palalain pa. but he disagreed and said that AYAW DAW NYA NG BABY! fcuk.

11-Jun-05, we moved to our new address here where i am right now, in cubao near araneta for my college ek-ek. i visit eLbi and kurt my boyfrend(BEFORE) every time i got a chance and so is he to me. without a month he already got to visit me here alone. i really love him soo much. we were so loving each others company then and we even made diaries for ourselves to write what happened to us within the day and we exchange every time we meet.

after a month of my stay here he asked me if i had a period already and i said no. actually, my monthly periods are really irregular so i dont think of anything if they dont come on time.

mid of July, he asked me again if my period is here already and i said no again. maxado xang balisa at asked me to buy a pregnancy test. at pra matahamik n xa ay pinatulan ko na at bumili na ako ng PT. the next morning i made weewee and used it already. i waited for 5 minutes, i was so sleepy p nun den checked the results and it was positive. i called kurt right away and told him about it then i went back to sleep. i woke up after an hour and still cant believe if it is true so i just went on with my normal day routines and as if i have discovered nothing.

as weeks pass i can feel that i am getting bigger and super takaw at pala-jingle. it was just then than i realize that maybe i am really pregnant. i made a surprised visit to kurt to lessen my stress and to my shock i was given also a surprise! he told me right away that he already have a girlfriend. fcuk. he said that she is just her past time so that he wont miss me. but i didnt accept his fcuking nonsense reason because for me, cheating is still a CHEATING. and to my shock i broke up with him right away even if he doesnt want me to.

the next day, still thinking of him and thought of the things happening, i went back to eLbi and talked to him peacefully trying to understand each others side. i told him to broke up with her past time gf but he wont. i told him that she will not get me back if he will not break up with her. he asked me to wait for him and he will just do it in nice way in the right time but not now.

6-Aug-05, i went to elbi and we tried to abort it by some medication that people thought us to use it. unfortunately, i didnt work for me. and i didnt care if it doesnt because it is killing and i will forever blame myself for i have killed it, if ever. he got depressed and i just went on with my life alone thinking of my studies only leaving all the shits behind.

i prayed and told myself that whatever happens the baby will be alive. but for now i will finish my 1st sem then after it bahala n.

sept 05, he told me that they broke up already and he doesnt want any relationships anymore. i got depressed and got more larger.

oct 05, finals are over. me and my mom talked about my getting big tummy. she showed me support khit n sobrang tghirap kmi. i was so happy after that day. it was a big help for me that my family is behind me.

nov 05, kurts mom arrived from dubai. mom talked to her about us and my baby. her mom said that kurt told her that he is not sure if it is his. we tried to make some arrangements for financial supprot but nothing came.

dec 05, christmas season, trying to move on and get some financial support but it was nothing came. mom told me to forget about them and we will be able to do this ourselves and they will never see my baby. i felt so blessed and courage came to me. we went to an OB for my first pre-natal check-up. i had an ultrasound but didnt saw the sex of the baby. it was so fun viewing the baby from my tummy. the doctor said that i maybe going to deliver it on february.

jan 06, waiting for february cause im feeling so big na! ang bigat pa sobra!

27-Jan-06, my eLbi friends visited me here to see the truth and support me n rin...ng sleepover cla samin den the next day birthday ni mommie. her amigas surprised her brought home lots of food. mom was happy kya happy n rin kmi khit na ang dmi nyang problemang iniisip at alam kong isa n ako dun.

29-Jan-06, i felt so bloated that morning because of the food i ate on mom's bday. i made poopoo tapos nwala n ung skit ng tsan. during lunch time ayan n nmn. nung hapon aun nnmn. tapos for the 4th time ulit prang pupupu n nmn ako pero wla ng lumabas. later on i felt some cramps but i just igmored it. around 7pm the cramps got worst and told mommie about it. she said i have to ready my stuffs for the hospital in case that this is the moment. few hours later it just got more worst! at ang sakit n sobra. d n aq mkatulog nun pkatapos.

30-Jan-06, super sakit n tlga! mommie and my tita elda and ate steph accompanied me to the hospital. got in around 10am and delivered it 4:26pm. my labor was 21 hours in total. it was a baby gurl. the moment she got out and cried, my tears just fell on my cheeks i dont know why.

then that's it! from then on, we tried living and looking forward to the present and thought of our little angel as a luck for the family. and now, i guess everything is fine already after all those shortcomings in our lives we didnt give up. i just love my folks! i thank God for them.

for the people who forget about us, we also tried to forget about them.