bloggy... i missed you so much. nweiz, im here already so nothing to worry.

yesterday was my first day as an office gurl. actually i never dreamed of being one. but i have no choice but to work cause i have to replace a preggy employee..hihi

so on my first day, she just thought me some basics and things for me to remember always which was so dami! but i should not complain ofcourse! im just just scared n nervous if i will be able to screw things up by the time the preggy is gone. there is no one to teach me anymore. huhu. well, she is going to give birth by the end of july p nmn so maybe she'll be still around until mid of july. i wish by that time i can able to manage things on my own already. (^.^)

today, another office day. but because i missed my boop yesterday i played with her util late night until we both feel asleep kya half day lang ako ngaun! kapal noh! hihi. wla p c ms. preggy ngaun kya wla akong mgwa. huhu, i guess i have to get used to an early gising and i think i have to fix my body clock too! bka wla akong swelduhin if ever! haha

speaking of my boop... she's gonna 5 months already by the end of the month. cant believe time passes by so fast! we went to chocolate lovers last saturday to buy some ingredients for chocolate lollipops for selling. i brought my boop with me and my mom and i think my boop had fun because she smelled chocolates which is new to her and the place too.

amm, to my readers-- i'm selling
choco lollipops for only 6.00pesos i
accept bulk orders or any special request of designs my no. is
639287149499..

* * * *

umm, i just want to share that my boop is so matakaw and she is in the stage of using of a teether already and due to lack of teether we found out that a table can be a substitute. watch this.

very tiring dis day pero masaya p rin dhil sa boop kong csuper cutie at kulit. ang likot n nya ngaun at ang ligalig super. always shouting and loves someone to talk to khit d nmn ngsasalita! hehe..mga babies tlga..

tntamad n aq.

and dami ko png gstong i-hare kso wla ako sa mood. very tired.

sori.

chao.

im so bored! cant think of something to do to keep me busy all day. my boop is fun to be with all day but it looks so helpless to me. ive been thinking of something productive and helpful kso prang d pwede ung gusto kong mgtrabaho kc below 18 p ako. hmf!

my boop made her 1st actual bowel movement sa cr knina.. haha.. ang cute nga eh. nrinig ko kc xa na prang imiire kya dineretso ko n xa agad sa bowl!

hehe..

right after she did her yucky habit naligo n xa agad pra squiky clean ang boop ko.

after i made paligo of my boop natulog ako dahil antok p ako. sobrang pabida lng ang boop ko kya nagsing ako agad. hmf. woke up at 1pm den ate a yummy lunch n luto ni momi n chicken something basta oishi..meaning delicious..hihihi.. den after i got myself ready kasi pnta ako ust pra kuni ky jmee mga old notes and notebuks nya ung 2nd sem last yr, pra my mgawa nmn ako khit papano..ksma nga dpt ang boop ko kso late n ako nkaalis.

i left the house at 3.30 den arrived der at exactly 4pm. i first saw hazel ann, my supladao n ayaw mkipg usap n seatmateko sa english pero knina prang ang glowing nya nung nkita nya ako, super touching lang. den i saw next is mandz with our girl drummer. suplado nga c mandz hndi ako nkita, kainis! e super kulit non d ako sanay. den pumunta n aq sa tapat ng educ building and saw big boi, geln, gio, kevz, migz kso d nla ako nkita..hmf. tapos ayun na lumabas n cla jmee and the rest of ds mong. dey wer all luking for my boop and asked of wats my condition. theyre all wearing smiles in their faces nung nkita nila ako. happy lng ako kc dey support me tska ang open-minded nila.. i feel so blessed p rin.. nwiez i got what i need already and left right away. actually wla p akong 30 mins sa ust umalis n ako agad. pero ok lng kc nkita ko cla lhat..

hmm..mis ko n tlga sila..pti ung mga moments nung ksma sila queen. haay, prang gusto ko n ulit pumasok. kainis 1 d ko n tuloy kung ano tlgang gustong gawin.

soo, pauwi n ako i took a cab to legarda station den lrt to cubao station den while wlking and staring sa mga shops kung my vacancy my kumulbit sakin pglingon ko c momi..hehe nsa oyster boy sila ksma c pers my slow sister. unfortunately, they were not able to do their business with UP knina n nmn. then, we ate merienda there and went home n dhil may effect netmeeting daw c momi. if i know ung bf lng nya un! che!

haay, pagod n ako. un lng.

before boop

haha.

remembered what my 4th yr adviser used to say to us,

"in every decision you make there is always a consequence"

my big bro went online and saw fcuking kurt online and is using a webcam too. my bro tried to view his cam but the sh*t turned to invisible! i think he got scared! haha so, i went online too and used a cam and posted the message - view my cutie baby and the hottie mommie.

i was assuming that he will attempt to view me and guess what, i was right! haha. he attempted to view me twice but i rejected him and even made easy on me by sending me a smiley waving.

he is just not so thinking, assuming that i will show him my cutie boop. after all what he did. well, actually i have forgiven him already but he pissed me off by chatting me at the wrong time with the wrong words to tell! and now i dont think he deserves to see all the moments that my boop made that i treasured.

just wondering what he is thinking and trying to do now because i wont let him see my boop...hmm

to clear things up ill share to u guys what really happened, here goes:

april n may 05, we were starting packing our stuffs and made a garage sale to sell out stuffs that are not-so-useful already by the time we move.

a week before we leave, he talked to me eye-to-eye looking so serious and said, "iLdz, nung gagawin mo pg nabuntis kita??" i was so shocked cause i know for myself that it will not happen ever to me! so i did not answeres and said EWAN. but if it is true then i will keep the baby. abortion is such a big a sin and i cant afford doing that too. alam ko n sa sarili ko n angdami ko ng kasalanan at kung totoo man ayaw ko ng palalain pa. but he disagreed and said that AYAW DAW NYA NG BABY! fcuk.

11-Jun-05, we moved to our new address here where i am right now, in cubao near araneta for my college ek-ek. i visit eLbi and kurt my boyfrend(BEFORE) every time i got a chance and so is he to me. without a month he already got to visit me here alone. i really love him soo much. we were so loving each others company then and we even made diaries for ourselves to write what happened to us within the day and we exchange every time we meet.

after a month of my stay here he asked me if i had a period already and i said no. actually, my monthly periods are really irregular so i dont think of anything if they dont come on time.

mid of July, he asked me again if my period is here already and i said no again. maxado xang balisa at asked me to buy a pregnancy test. at pra matahamik n xa ay pinatulan ko na at bumili na ako ng PT. the next morning i made weewee and used it already. i waited for 5 minutes, i was so sleepy p nun den checked the results and it was positive. i called kurt right away and told him about it then i went back to sleep. i woke up after an hour and still cant believe if it is true so i just went on with my normal day routines and as if i have discovered nothing.

as weeks pass i can feel that i am getting bigger and super takaw at pala-jingle. it was just then than i realize that maybe i am really pregnant. i made a surprised visit to kurt to lessen my stress and to my shock i was given also a surprise! he told me right away that he already have a girlfriend. fcuk. he said that she is just her past time so that he wont miss me. but i didnt accept his fcuking nonsense reason because for me, cheating is still a CHEATING. and to my shock i broke up with him right away even if he doesnt want me to.

the next day, still thinking of him and thought of the things happening, i went back to eLbi and talked to him peacefully trying to understand each others side. i told him to broke up with her past time gf but he wont. i told him that she will not get me back if he will not break up with her. he asked me to wait for him and he will just do it in nice way in the right time but not now.

6-Aug-05, i went to elbi and we tried to abort it by some medication that people thought us to use it. unfortunately, i didnt work for me. and i didnt care if it doesnt because it is killing and i will forever blame myself for i have killed it, if ever. he got depressed and i just went on with my life alone thinking of my studies only leaving all the shits behind.

i prayed and told myself that whatever happens the baby will be alive. but for now i will finish my 1st sem then after it bahala n.

sept 05, he told me that they broke up already and he doesnt want any relationships anymore. i got depressed and got more larger.

oct 05, finals are over. me and my mom talked about my getting big tummy. she showed me support khit n sobrang tghirap kmi. i was so happy after that day. it was a big help for me that my family is behind me.

nov 05, kurts mom arrived from dubai. mom talked to her about us and my baby. her mom said that kurt told her that he is not sure if it is his. we tried to make some arrangements for financial supprot but nothing came.

dec 05, christmas season, trying to move on and get some financial support but it was nothing came. mom told me to forget about them and we will be able to do this ourselves and they will never see my baby. i felt so blessed and courage came to me. we went to an OB for my first pre-natal check-up. i had an ultrasound but didnt saw the sex of the baby. it was so fun viewing the baby from my tummy. the doctor said that i maybe going to deliver it on february.

jan 06, waiting for february cause im feeling so big na! ang bigat pa sobra!

27-Jan-06, my eLbi friends visited me here to see the truth and support me n rin...ng sleepover cla samin den the next day birthday ni mommie. her amigas surprised her brought home lots of food. mom was happy kya happy n rin kmi khit na ang dmi nyang problemang iniisip at alam kong isa n ako dun.

29-Jan-06, i felt so bloated that morning because of the food i ate on mom's bday. i made poopoo tapos nwala n ung skit ng tsan. during lunch time ayan n nmn. nung hapon aun nnmn. tapos for the 4th time ulit prang pupupu n nmn ako pero wla ng lumabas. later on i felt some cramps but i just igmored it. around 7pm the cramps got worst and told mommie about it. she said i have to ready my stuffs for the hospital in case that this is the moment. few hours later it just got more worst! at ang sakit n sobra. d n aq mkatulog nun pkatapos.

30-Jan-06, super sakit n tlga! mommie and my tita elda and ate steph accompanied me to the hospital. got in around 10am and delivered it 4:26pm. my labor was 21 hours in total. it was a baby gurl. the moment she got out and cried, my tears just fell on my cheeks i dont know why.

then that's it! from then on, we tried living and looking forward to the present and thought of our little angel as a luck for the family. and now, i guess everything is fine already after all those shortcomings in our lives we didnt give up. i just love my folks! i thank God for them.

for the people who forget about us, we also tried to forget about them.

Mamita nica and dada Gerald made visit to my bo0p nung Wednesday kc wla clang pasok d p nila nkikita ang kanilang inaanak bung summer kc d rin cla nkapunta nung binyag! Haha. They nid to make bawi just like my bo0p’s other mamitas and dadas.. haha lucky bo0p of mine kc ang dami nila..hihi. sbi nga ng iba pwde ng negosyo, astig! Easy money dw kc. Pero kung alam lng nila kakahiya din un noh! Hmf!

* * *

I just want to share m y sister’s inborn of being literally slow at things. In everything she does in her life she just does it very slow even her fastest way of doing things or rushing things up her is still slow. She is so time-consuming, always late, and doesn’t know what fast pace means! I just wish her that she will change her sluggish attitude because she needs it especially if she’s dreaming of going to UP in her college. I can’t even imagine if she can take all the rushes needed to be in. napakaarte pa kung kumilos minsan, prang hindi rin marunong mgmadali at tumakbo at times n kailangan na.

She is about to submit her upcat form today and I have been reminding her always to take note of all the things she will be needing for submission yet it didn’t work for her! And I don’t why it did so because it works every time you do it,aight?! But for her…EWAN. She seems more disorganize than me and so0o impossible to believe.

And because of her not being in her normal state of mind because can’t take the rush, she went to her review school just to ask for help in her application form. Her plan was to be able to accomplish everything today and to submit it too at the registrar. But look at the time and the rain! I don’t think she will be able to meet her expectations, all these because of her kabagalan!!! Good luck to her UP dreams. I know she will make it I just don’t know if she can take it! I mean if she can maintain it there.

* * *

It’s, raining again.

As in right this moment, I can hear kulog and the patak of the ulan! I know I’m big already and almost an adult already but I’m telling you, I am scared of kidlat! I hate it ever time I see one. I can’t help but think of who are what did it hit sa dulo nung kidlat… haay. Can’t resist but I always go beside my mom to sleep. But now that I have my own bo0p nut still cannot understand maybe I can still do that..hihi..i just have to bring bo0p with me..haha..

I wonder what’s the name of the bagyo right now?!... hmmm..

rainy moments

This year isn’t our first to experience rainy season here in our new crib! We’ve been here a year ago already. Pero bkit bigla kming ngka-falls sa likod ng bahay nmin!!! Grabe as in prang umuulan n sa loob ng bahay… buti n lng sa 3rd floor kmi, pero khit n dba?! Who knows, bka later on bumagsak n ung kisame dhil sa ulan!! NO NO NO!!! so what we did was we moved all the stuffs near the wall and cleaned everything all over again and when the rain stopped we put everything back to place. On the other side of it, I thought of maybe we’re just being reminded of cleaning the dirty kitchen! Haha..

* * *

Every year we really wait for the rainy season to cover up for the heat that’s been cookin’ us every summer. The chilly feeling and rain drops’ sound very disquieting, a good time to sleep and relax all day even without electric fan or aircon behind you. haha. A perfect time to find a hugging buddy too, a moment for couples to hang out together even if it’s raining, you get a chance to get closer to each other because of the weather itself! Ewww, very mushy but ssuuuuuweeetttt..hihi can’t even wait for your boyfriend to hold your umbrella for you all the way to where you are going so that u can stick your body near him.. haha yummy..

* * *

the weather was so hot and the sun so up high then all of a sudden it just rains. It’s like two weather conditions at the same time; they say that meron daw kinakasal n tikbalang. I don’t know if it’s true but grew up with it. Whatever to the tikbalang, I just hate it when that happens because every time it does, it’s so hot and the rain drops make it even worst by making me feel sticky…ewwww.

* * *

yesterday night it rained again but not as extra ordinary when we had water falls at home. But then we still had the falls even if it wasn’t hard. I just can’t imagine what will happen next if it will be a BAGYO! Baka wala n kming bubong dhil cnira n pala ng ulan! omg, I wish that wouldn’t happen. Kainis lalo kc c mama wlang pkialam kung d ko pa xa sinumbatan d p xa kikilos..as if kunwari wala lng ngyayari s knya! Hmf!

two days before classes

Sunday is really a family day for us. Waking up around 10 in the morning, eat breakfast; watch TV and read newspaper are our day starters, as time ticks and before to end the day we all go to church always at Sundays too. But today, because classes’ starts on the 13th already and my siblings still don’t have their stuffs, we went shopping! Wo0ho0o. Its was sad though because the shopping made was only intended for school functions and no baby functions allowed =( but it was still fun because baby and I shopped with them. To keep us busy and not to get bored we went to baby accessories section and made some canvassing of prices and compares them to Divisoria prices and the result was obviously in favour of Divisoria! As expected!

This is the first time baby made gala around the mall. And speaking of Bell, she got her first fall accident today resulting to a big bukol because of her lolang malandi! I don’t know how it happened I just heard something hit on the floor then baby wept looking so pitiful. Good thing we have a ref already and we have our own ice and the bukol was relieved.

* * *

Everybody is so busy because of school issues and me, nothing… just at home playing with my baby and my mom working her ass off to supply all our needs. I’m bored and tired of being like this. I need something to keep my mind working and at the same time I really want to help mom. I just hope that there is one job there in Araneta waiting for me! Hehe...astig noh, ung job pa nghihintay skin..hihihi

* * *

It’s June and its rainy season already and poor me. My allergies are coming! I hate this season because my allergic rhinitis is attacking me again I cannot sleep because of this. I need rest. Waaaaaaa.

Crap. I’m here again with same thoughts in my mind. I can’t help it. I don’t know how to stop this thoughts passing by and reminds me of him and her new preggy bitchy girlfriend making me so bothered and jealous to think that a gossip came to me that she will get financial support from him in Dubai. DAMN! so unfair. and to ask, what's with her that i don't, i mean is their any??!! i think i deserve much of somthing like that than she does.

DAMN! i feel so desperate already on him! i can't take this anymore. i need something or maybe someone to take him out of my head and of my heart na rin(cge na i admit!). i can't live any longer being like this on him and her biatch. i still have many plans and things to clear up in my life to make my life easier in the future and he's not supposed to be included in it only me and my cutie baby. so please, somebody HELP! waaaaaaaaaa.

motherly thoughts

I went through my friendster account and saw a post in the bulletin which really struck me and I don’t know why!

From: mallow full

Date: Friday, 9 June, 2006 7:19 PM
Subject: baby ko lng mhal ko!
Message: baby luv you so much mmmwah...mis you!baby
kurt_10

Sh*t. I feel so sh*t. I don’t know why. I want to kill them both and remove them in my head as if I never knew them but I don’t know how! It’s been almost a year that I’m trying to that… but since then nothing happened. I guess what’s been happening from the past was so unreal of me thinking of that I’ve totally overcame the issue about them but I guess it’s just me hiding from the reality of what I’m trying to hide to everyone that I still have some interest on him. But I think that’s how it is because of the fact that he is the damn father of my baby and I’m still hoping that everything will be ok from the both us and then I won’t be worrying anymore for the future circumstances whenever my baby will be looking for her father.

I don’t know what to tell my little angel by the time she will ask about it. I just don’t know in what manner I will tell her the truth or maybe just tell her lies to not make her feel bad because of the real dilemma that might feel her anxious about it and I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want my baby to grow up the way I did, no father!

...may i take your order please? Ü

Summer is ending and classes are starting already but for me all these are senseless because I’ve been having my own summer or should I say stayed at home for more than 6 months already. Well that’s because of my pregnancy. Anyway, I’m so bored even if I have my baby keeping me busy all the time. I feel so useless, I want to use my time wisely while waiting for 2nd semester to pass by. Actually, I’m thinking of finding a job for myself to help at least in the expenses of my baby to lessen the burden of my mom. It’s so ironic that how a small a baby is how big the expense is. Can you just imagine that? Whew! I just thank God for my mom who is really great though sometimes she so annoying and …bsta! About the job nga pala, I’m thinking of working as a service crew in a fast food chain. I’ve been dreaming of doing that when I was a kid. They always smile at you even if they don’t know you and say ‘Hello good morning ma’am, may I take your order please?’ or make the food for the people who are so hungry then pays for it because they love it especially during peak hours like lunch time or dinner time. I enjoy the crowd because the more people there is the more work is too. I love it when I’m serving others and at the end you’ll see they’re satisfied of what you did. I feel so relaxed and in great every time I do things like that at home what more if I’ll be in a food business wherein there are more people to serve. Doesn’t it sound fun?? I made my resume already in preparation for my dream to be a service crew but it’s not yet finished because honestly speaking, I don’t know what to put in it. I still have to wait for mom’s extra time (if there is) to help me with it. I admit that I’m so not good about writing and those stuffs. I don’t care if my English is wrong I just what to express my feelings in a way that no one is bothered. Haay, I’m so looking forward to this job I want. I wish I can find one. I hardly need it!

as I surf the net and pass through one site to site i tried something and got something co0l and i just want to share it and i don't care if you won't like it. hehe

ildziedoodlez is poisonous! Induce vomitting if ingested.

N POISON

and this...

I	Irresistible
L	Lovable
D	Dignified
Z	Zippy

and by the way i got this all from http://www.go-quiz.com maybe you would like to try and find out for urself and have fun just i did haha. silly me.

june start

classes are about to start again. students are getting ready their stuffs to school. goin' shopping and evrything new. too bad i'm not one of them. i went to UST and talked to Ms. Tio Cuison(Head Prof. in HRM & Tourism) to ask for advice if i can go back and study again. she said that i can be re admitted again but it would be better if i'll return on 2nd sem cause it wil lessen my expenses and loads too. hmmm...well, atleast i still have my slot aight?!. thank God because there is no other school I want to enroll to.

anyway, speaking of enrollment, my younger sister is not yet enrolled and we both don't know if we are to blame mom because she's our mom. ofcourse!hihi Kc nmn c mommy halos nalilimutan n nya dpat lhat ng priorities nya dahil sa knyang boyfriend n yata sa internet! hindi nmn nmin xa masabihan kc tinutulunagn kmi nung kanyang boyfriend sa financial status. kso kc prang may mali, d ko lng alam kung ano! all these time i just pray to Him n sana nothings going to be wrong with mommy handling situations in the future kc palagi nlng xang ngiinternet at ngchachat at nkikipagusap dun sa errww n bf nya! She even makes us get out of the room just to talk to her errww bf! and scolds us if we make any interference to their conversation! its so unfair, we are relatives and the one on the fone is just a bf! me and my sister are just trying to comply with her because the guy makes our mom happy. but still i'm worried but i don't know what to do and i don't know who to talk to about it for help. haay... i have no choice nmn kc ang tagal n rin ni mommy na separated at tlgang kming mgkakapatid ang knyang focus kya she became such a workaholic mom. bsta watever will happen i know we are guided. i guess i'll just keep my fingers crossed that nothing bad will disappoint me and my siblings and affect us mentally. we're used to have one parent lng kasi eh...

wo0oho0o. i've got my new blogger account already my previous account won't work and was so unmanageable for me. so i made a new one. i won't waste any of time trying to fix that anymore. hihi